Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So squirting runs in the family.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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