I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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