They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
