how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
