Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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