I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was born a porn star she said
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
