I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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