Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
