I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
