weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
