if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
