youre lurking in front of me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
