I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
