Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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