woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
