people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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