Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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