Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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