first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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