do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
