Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
