Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
