So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
