Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize