i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
