My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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