I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
