CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
