Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize