Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
