Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
