What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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