I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
