literally had 100 drinks last night.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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