That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
