U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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