dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
