i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
