My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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