I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
