how can u be prego again
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
