Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
