I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
