oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
