I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
