Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
