so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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