pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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