The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
