Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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