you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
