Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I did not marry a roomba.
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