I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
