I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We're too hungover to prance.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
