i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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