She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
