All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
