need another drink. this is the easiest way
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
