i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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