need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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