Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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