Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
