when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
