Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
