she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I didn't notice because vodka
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
