Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
