we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
