Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
