The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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