she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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