I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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