STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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