my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
