It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
