He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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