i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
