i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
