Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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