my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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