I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We are two peas in an std pod
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize