I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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