Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
