The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
