My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
