I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
