im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize