I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
